The first two queries, reports The Sunday Times, were "Why does it always rain on me?" and "Explain the theory of relativity, please."

Problem was the fans didn't believe it was really him, so he promised to send them a signal at the next game, kicking the goalpost twice before kickoff.

Then someone who claimed to be Millwall keeper Lenny Pidgeley began posting messages on the fan Web site. When he asked if he could do something on the field to prove it was him, a chat room denizen replied, "Yes, you could catch the ******* ball for once, you useless ****."