After German star Bastian Schweinsteiger signed a five-year contract renewal with Bayern Munich instead of moving abroad to Real Madrid or Inter, he explained his reasons for staying at the club he's been with since joining in 1998 at age 14: "When I arrive at the [Bayern headquarters] on the Saebener Strasse. I feel right at home. I know all the employees from A to Z, and I know where the toilets are."

Ian Plenderleith explains why the toilet factor might play such a key role: Imagine you're a top professional player earning some $230,000 a week (Schweini's new salary) and you come to work on a Monday morning only to find Arjen Robben standing in reception waiting for you with his hands on his hips. You can be sure he's going to demand to know why you didn't pass to him in the 67th minute on Saturday when he was free on the left. But if you know exactly where the bog is, you can hold up your hand and say "Just a second, mate, the pipes are full."

The German midfielder doubtless envisioned being late for his first Real Madrid training session because he was running around the Bernabeu catacombs frantically looking for the loo. ...

The reason Carlos Tevez keeps picking fights and roving from club to club is that he can't find a team with a latrine where he feels relaxed enough to make any noise he wants. ... It's no exaggeration to claim that the teams upgrading their john facilities now are the European champions of tomorrow.