Nothing-nothing says the scoreboard,
But that's just fine, says Colin Clarke -
It's playoff soccer, you're s'posed to be bored,
By a game that looks like it's out of the ark.
In case you've missed it or nobody told you
We're right in the middle of playoff fever.
Inertia galore to grip and to hold you -
Paradise Now! for the true believer.
We've hours and hours of super defense -
With hardly a sign of scoring.
The coaches are all looking seriously tense,
Ain't that all excitingly boring?
Shutouts are what we are looking for,
Goalscorers? No, we're shunning 'em -
We've benched anyone who just might score,
Take that, Freddy, Carlos, and Cunningham.
To ensure that the games are all lacking in pep,
To make them all flatter and staler,
We've taken the cleverly cunning step
Of benching Jose Cancela.
What! You want goals? What can you be thinking?
It's playoff soccer, for heaven's sake!
The coaches all love it, though it's utterly stinking -
So please try to like it - or at least stay awake.
-- Paul Gardner