Three minutes of Zen from the A League

[VIDEO PICK: Off the Post] Over-the-top reporting accompanies debuts by Alessandro Del Piero, Emile Heskey and Shinji Ono in Australia's top soccer league.

Del Piero, Heskey, and Ono have combined for over two hundred appearances for their respective national teams, but Mark Chester of Fox Soccer Australia felt quite comfortable grading all aspects of their debuts in the A League, with panache.

The reporter approves of Del Piero’s English, and his body language, before criticizing the eight-time Serie A winner’s finishing, doling out “a B+ for Aussie Alex.” Emile Heskey destroys a goalkeeper in his clip, gets some weight-loss ideas, and then a grade Chester may have invented himself, “B- with a bullet!”

The reporter dazzles us pronouncing Ono’s Japanese nickname, gives out an A for soccer, and then ridicules Shinji when he mistakes “chants” for “chance” in a post-game interview. Ono spent three years in the Bundesliga, and five in the Eridivisie but Chester demands fluent English added to German, Dutch and Japanese, after a month in Australia.

Words are just getting in Mr. Chester’s way, the man is an idiot savant…

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