Now, Off The Post has not yet seen the latest project from the Real Madrid superstar, but you can hazard a guess that the film will be an enormous panegyric to himself -- and by extension, narcissism.
Indeed: if the Guardian’s review of the film is any guide, the man who opened a museum to house his achievements in his Portuguese hometown two years ago has completed “a remarkable vanity project” that leaves you with the feeling that, indeed, this guy “must shout his own name during sex.”
Per the review, the film, a documentary of sorts filmed in large part over the course of the 2013/14 season in which Real Madrid won the UEFA Champions League for a record 10th time, showcases an immensely famous yet lonely person who is absolutely, utterly and unashamedly consumed with winning FIFA’s Ballon d’Or, an award handed to world soccer’s best player every year. Ronaldo, of course, would go on to win the prize in 2014.
Just how important is it to him? As Guardian reviewer Daniel Taylor notes: “It is a 24-7, twitching obsession, on both [Ronaldo and his agent Jorge Mendes’] parts, given far more relevance throughout the film than Real Madrid’s Decima or anything else, and it is a telling moment when Mendes and one of his associates can be heard muttering darkly from one of the Bernabéu’s executive boxes about the possibility “the other guy might destroy everything.” This ‘other guy’, of course, is Barcelona striker Lionel Messi, who is, in so many ways, Ronaldo’s perfect foil.
“It’s a card inside an envelope that can change so much,” Ronaldo says of the coveted prize in his film. “To see Messi win four in a row was difficult for me. After he won the second and third I thought to myself: ‘I’m not coming here again.’”
Never mind that soccer is actually a team sport, or the fact that the former Manchester United winger has conspicuously chosen to call his movie Ronaldo when everyone born before 1985 knows he’s not the only (or even necessarily the most famous) Ronaldo in soccer history.
In a forthcoming interview on the BBC program Football Focus, which airs in the UK on Saturday, Ronaldo, is asked to speak of many things -- indeed, things other than himself or the Ballon d’Or -- which likely makes the interview more interesting than his film.
For example, he is asked to comment on the current situation at Chelsea, where his former coach, Jose Mourinho, is fighting to save his job as manager of the Roman Abramovich-owned team. You may recall that Ronaldo famously fell out with his (equally egotistical) compatriot during the latter’s three-year spell in Madrid -- in fact some articles claimed that the pair nearly “came to blows” towards the end -- but, disappointingly, Ronaldo refuses to take the bait (or show much interest in) in expounding upon his (uneasy) relationships with anyone else other than himself or his family. Instead, he says something about how Mourinho is a “top” manager with whom he won things, and that Chelsea’s current situation is not really a surprise because “in football anything can happen.”
But then again, his failing to give juicy gossip about somebody else shouldn’t come as much of a surprise, either, because people like Ronaldo don’t bother to criticize others much, as they would much prefer to talk about themselves. Indeed, as surely as he makes FIFA’s shortlist for the Ballon d’Or each year, OTP wouldn’t be surprised if the Portuguese forward also managed to feature alongside the likes of Napoleon Bonaparte, Alexander The Great and various other monarchs, dictators and heads of state on history’s shortlist for Most Callous Narcissist.
Of course, you can say what you want about Ronaldo the man, or even, Ronaldo the film, but you can’t take away the incredible records he holds, the trophies he’s won, or indeed, the Ballon d’Or’s he’s earned.