Hey, Mom! Hey, Coach!

Westport, Connecticut, has a robust youth sports scene. Kids fill our fields and courts, running, playing, laughing and learning life lessons. None of it would be possible without parent coaches. Thousands of boys and girls benefit greatly from the volunteer efforts of hundreds of dads and moms. Well — mostly dads.

Tara McCarthy is both a Westport Soccer Association board member, and a youth coach. She’s been surprised at how few other women coach. She writes:

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I moved to Westport from New York City in June 2017. The next year — as soon as my daughter Allie started kindergarten, I began coaching her “rec” soccer teams. The Westport Soccer Association is a great organization, with wonderful professional coaches (Kelvin is a favorite!) and parent volunteers. Our town is lucky to have it.

That being said, I was so disappointed that first year because there was only one other “mom coach” in the girls kindergarten division.

Since then, I have tried to encourage other moms I’ve met to coach their daughters’ soccer teams. As far as I know, I have only successfully recruited one.

For all ages, the vast majority of coaches rec coaches continue to be dads. Please don’t misunderstand: It’s amazing that dads coach their daughters (and their sons!).

My husband Kevin coaches our son Leo’s rec soccer team. My own dad coached me in a bunch of sports when I was growing up.

But every season that I have coached, little girls (usually from the opposing team) tell me that they “didn’t know moms could coach.”

For this reason (and so many more), I believe it is important for girls to see that moms can (and do) coach too.

While this is one reason I coach, the main one is because getting out there every Saturday with my daughter is fun! It is an activity that Allie and I do together -- just us.

Allie gets to see a side of me that is different from the mom she’s used to seeing (the one that nags her to eat broccoli).

Similarly, I get to see a side of Allie that I wouldn’t necessarily see had I not been out there on the field. She’s determined, resilient, and even tougher than I thought.

Another bonus is that I have gotten to know Allie’s friends and teammates better than I would have had they just come over for a playdate.

It has been a joy to coach Allie and her little friends these past few years. I get way more out of the experience than the girls.

I encourage my fellow moms to coach their daughters’ teams. It’s easy. At least for the younger divisions, no experience is required. It’s mainly about making sure every child plays about the same amount of minutes, encouraging them, and teaching good sportsmanship.

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Tara has a great idea. It applies to all sports. But I’d add another thought: More women should coach their sons’ teams, too. Boys need those role models. They need to see their mothers in those new lights. It’s a win-win!

The article first appeared on Dan Woog's blog 06880 Where Westport meets the world.

5 comments about "Hey, Mom! Hey, Coach!".
  1. James Madison, August 26, 2021 at 6:22 p.m.

    I think it also important that boys see "Mom" can coach.

  2. uffe gustafsson, August 26, 2021 at 9:17 p.m.

    I think my daughter had about equal dads and moms coaching her don't know if it's a Bay Area thing.
    she now play college and have a woman coach.
    though college is just an abnormally since so far it's all men on opposing teams.

  3. uffe gustafsson, August 26, 2021 at 9:21 p.m.

    To finish my comments all the women's coaches she had been great and truly took time to care for their players.
    can't really say that about some men coaches.
    so more women coaches needed for girls teams.

  4. Bob Ashpole replied, August 27, 2021 at 12:38 p.m.

    My experience was that women were generally the most qualified and capable youth coaches for the younger ages. My impression was that mothers (and teachers) were experienced at working with young children and a lot of them had played college soccer. Fathers on the other hand generally wanted to coach their sons youth teams and might not even go to their daughter's matches. Also many of the fathers coaching their son's youth teams had no knowlege of the game, little knowlege of coaching, and little experience dealing with young children. I hope this has improved over the years.


  5. Mike Lynch, September 28, 2021 at 8:10 p.m.

    Dan, good article, we need more moms out there coaching but we also in great need of all former players to do some coaching. When I was a youth player, my coach, an Argentine ex-pro, told me it was my duty to give back to the game and to become a coach when I got older would be a way of thanking him for all he did for me. That conversation stuck with me making the decision later in life to coach my kids just the next phase of my soccer life (plus watching some of the volunteer rec coaches who had not played before demonstrating incorrectly). Now with tens of thousands of former high school and college players out there, we should have a surplus of good parent coaches (moms and dads alike). I believe this is true for the competitive clubs, too, who should think twice before alienating parents as coaches. There are lots of great coaches out there who would love to coach but they can't make the commitment without their kid as part of the package deal. This was always the rule in my household, you can coach after work provided one of our kids was in tow (wife's rule) so I got to stay connected to the beautiful game and spend time with my kids. As far as the potential biased parent coach, my experience is often the coach's kid gets less breaks than the players who parent is not the coach, though, I'm sure there are some bad exceptions. 

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